pray for me

I will remember you in my prayers
What a load of pious pretense
as if my prayers amount to a whole pile of shit
I cannot even see you in the delusion of myself
--no--
I will not remember you in my useless prayers
but trapped within my own dark places
I will remember you when I resent a godless night sky
when the stupid stars twinkle for no reason
I will remember you when I cringe at what a fool I made of myself
when I am so disgusted with myself I want to vomit
when every remembrance is defilement
I will remember you when pain lashes at my wrists and I just want to be left alone
I will remember you when all I can do is sudoku
when I keep myself busy with mindless things
when I dare not close my eyes
I will remember you when I am nowhere
when I feel nothing, when I am nothing
I walk in a haze, groundless, confused
I will remember you, forgetting who I am, what I am,
when I am empty
--calm--
with nothing left to say
I remember you in all my prayers
(you are not alone)